i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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