HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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