White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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