I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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