he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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