Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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