the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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