Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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