I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
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If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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