this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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