u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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