I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize