My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize