So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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