Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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