just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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