My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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