We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
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If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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