Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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