Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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