Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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