turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize