barbara walters just said penis...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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