I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i now understand why vodka
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize