No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize