Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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