chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize