just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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