The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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