I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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