i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
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Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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