Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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