she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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