Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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