I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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