you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize