Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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