Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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