What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize