i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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