Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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