you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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