I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize