please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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