this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize