so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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