Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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