i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize