I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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