You just made me feel so damn special
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize